About The Concert Guru

Born into a family of wealth, Jim Rock lived the life of extravagance. Nonstop drugs, sex, and rock n’ roll. In fact, during his days at Yale, he was rumored to do more coke than even George C. Bush (The King of Coke). Partying with celebrities, and traveling the world in first class, it was the life of a King. Then one day his dream life came crashing down. A hip injury in the International Rock, Paper, Scissors Championships forced him out of the finals. In a deep depression with suicidal thoughts, Jim decided to study with a famous Guru to find the meaning of life. After 30 years he found it. He changed his name from Jim to The Concert Guru. He has now dedicated his entire life to answer the mystical and mundane questions about Concerts.

To ask The Concert Guru a question, please email concertguru@theconcertgoer.com. Please keep in mind he lives in the hills, and rarely checks his email. Responses usually take 2-3 months.

Guru-

I have this guy who is a great friend, and we always go to concerts together. I have this huge crush on him, and I want to take us to the next level. At the last concert we were at, we are drinking and smoking, and we were totally like fucked up. Anyway, we made out. The concert was last night, and I’m not sure what to do? Emily, Sierra Madre Calfornia

Emily-

You have two paths in front of you. One will lead to happiness, and will lead to pain. Which one do you want to take? More importantly, which path will lead to which result. Remember, in Las Vegas, to make money, you must be willing to lose money. More importantly, remember the odds are against you in Vegas; However, the payout is high. Make your choice wisely. The Concert Guru.