About The Concert Guru

Born into a family of wealth, Jim Rock lived the life of extravagance. Nonstop drugs, sex, and rock n’ roll. In fact, during his days at Yale, he was rumored to do more coke than even George C. Bush (The King of Coke). Partying with celebrities, and traveling the world in first class, it was the life of a King. Then one day his dream life came crashing down. A hip injury in the International Rock, Paper, Scissors Championships forced him out of the finals. In a deep depression with suicidal thoughts, Jim decided to study with a famous Guru to find the meaning of life. After 30 years he found it. He changed his name from Jim to The Concert Guru. He has now dedicated his entire life to answer the mystical and mundane questions about Concerts.

To ask The Concert Guru a question, please email concertguru@theconcertgoer.com. Please keep in mind he lives in the hills, and rarely checks his email. Responses usually take 2-3 months.

Guru-

I have a serious problem. I fart A LOT. Not the loud kind, the really smelly kind. Anyway, when I go to Concerts, and I am close to other people, they start to smell my farts, and they make fun of me. Once a hot babe was hitting on me, and then a smelly one slipped out. She actually gagged. What should I do? Charles, Miami Beach, Florida

Charles-

I understand your problem. I was once in the African juggle, and we were using Elephants as transportation. Let me tell you, Elephants can fart really loud, and they smell so bad. Living in India for a couple of years helped me with the problem of smelly body odor. In fact, now I can hang out with my French friends, and not even notice their stench. Consider moving to India or France, were disguising odors are not only tolerated, but admired. The Concert Guru.