About The Concert Guru

Born into a family of wealth, Jim Rock lived the life of extravagance. Nonstop drugs, sex, and rock n’ roll. In fact, during his days at Yale, he was rumored to do more coke than even George C. Bush (The King of Coke). Partying with celebrities, and traveling the world in first class, it was the life of a King. Then one day his dream life came crashing down. A hip injury in the International Rock, Paper, Scissors Championships forced him out of the finals. In a deep depression with suicidal thoughts, Jim decided to study with a famous Guru to find the meaning of life. After 30 years he found it. He changed his name from Jim to The Concert Guru. He has now dedicated his entire life to answer the mystical and mundane questions about Concerts.

To ask The Concert Guru a question, please email concertguru@theconcertgoer.com. Please keep in mind he lives in the hills, and rarely checks his email. Responses usually take 2-3 months.

Guru-

I had PIT tickets to a NIN concert, and we were really close together in the PIT. Anyway, I popped a boner from being rubbed. The problem is that some dude turned around and almost decked me. I love seeing concerts in the PIT. What do I? Matt, San Diego California. 1/18/07

Matt-

Boner Control is crucial in the PIT. Many men have had little worms turn into giant snakes in the PIT. Do not be ashamed. Shame keeps us away from the Holy One. Consider drinking enormous amount of white man’s poison. That will help. The Concert Guru